Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
