she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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