Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The air taste purple.
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