Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
