I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
