i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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