i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
