the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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