I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
