Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
