she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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