please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
