Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
