im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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