you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
