Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize