I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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