Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
