1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
