I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
