Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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