I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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