Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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