I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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