she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
