I am puke
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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