I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
