plz talk dirty to me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
