Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
