Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
