ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He shit in the fireplace
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