I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
