hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
