8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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