me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
