well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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