I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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