I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
