I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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