Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
