My liver just broke up with me...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
