I think I died a long time ago.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
