I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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