Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
