im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
