what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
