He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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