Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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