I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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