I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
