I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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