I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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