I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
