I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
