you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You took a bar mat shot.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
