shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
