"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
only if we run a train.
done.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
