I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
