dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
