I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
