I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
