but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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