So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
